a kiss with a fist
by the sound of
Summary: In which Derek and Addison engage in cyber porn warfare. / MerDer rather than Addek, though.
1. Chapter 1

Title | a kiss with a fist  
Characters | Derek, Addison, Meredith (implied MerDer & Addek)  
Rating | T  
Summary | in which Derek and Addison engage in cyber porn warfare.

/

He gets the first message in the middle of an M&M for one of his fellows' patients and cannot choke back the shocked gasp that stutters from his lips at the image of Addison's naked body splayed across scarlet bed sheets, one hand cupped between her thighs, biting at her bottom lip and staring at him through lidded eyes. The sound is enough to attract the attention of Dr. Nesbaum, who is sweating through his lab coat beside him, white with worry, and Derek offers what he hopes is a reassuring smile as he locks his phone and slips it into his pocket, gaze darting about the room to see if anyone caught him receiving naughty pictures from his ex-wife.

He ends up catching Meredith's eyes and can't help the hot flush that spreads across his face. She smiles at him, mistaking his embarrassment for worry, and he can only muster the barest upward twitch of his lips before he has to look away.

His phone vibrates against his thigh five more times throughout the conference (twice while he's up on the podium vouching for Nesbaum and the panic must have shown on his face because the Chief had wrapped things up pretty quickly after that) and it's only thirty minutes later that he manages to steal away to his office to read them, door very carefully locked behind him.

_Shit. That was meant for someone else. Sorry._

_I know that sounds like a line but I really didn't meant to send that to you. Please just delete it._

_Okay, obviously you'll delete it. I just meant forget about it. Please._

_And if by some totally evil twist of fate it's Meredith who saw this, I'm really sorry. Total accident. I'm kind of drunk. And happy for the happy couple, remember? You remember, right? You guys should come visit. LA's really nice this time of year._

_I'll shut up and stop drinking now. Sorry again. Bye._

The mention of Meredith is enough to startle Derek into deleting the messages at once, naked picture and all. He sits at his desk for the next hour attempting to finalise his notes on Nesbaum's case for the Chief, his message thread to Addison open before him, but he can't get past the image of her naked body sprawled out seductively enough to formulate any kind of appropriate reply.

Okay. So maybe appropriate is completely out of the question, because seriously, _don't worry about the accidental cyber porn Addison, no big deal, I'm sure it happens to divorced couples all the time_, is not a sentiment Derek thinks could ever be appropriately expressed no matter what the phrasing.

That's how he justifies what he ends up sending in reply, though Derek's not sure he could properly explain his thought process if anyone asked.

Not that they will, he thinks, deleting the image and returning to the pile of paperwork on his desk.

Or so he hopes.

/

Addison's still half drunk and completely naked when the text comes in. It takes her a while to locate her phone - she'd thrown it across the room somewhere after her sixth message to Derek (or, Lord did she hope not, Meredith) had gone unanswered - but she finally unearths it from under her dresser, scrambles back to the comfort of her bed with it clutched in her fist.

It takes her another fifteen minutes to brave opening the message, and when she does, she nearly drops the phone.

Derek is the kind of sexy that isn't unless you've catalogued every perfect imperfection about his body and committed them all to memory in conjunction with how they fit together during sex with him. Like his arms. They're skinny and undefined, but they have no trouble holding you up against the wall of a shower, or an airplane bathroom, or a supply closet. His abdomen is soft and untoned, but the feel of it pressed to yours as he slides inside you is kind of beautiful. And his penis -

Well. Addison could never really find any fault with that.

And yet.

_Air conditioning: definitely not man's best friend._

It's the kind of petty bitchiness Addison thought she'd left behind in high school, but then again, her husband did cheat on her at a Godforsaken _prom_, so she supposes petulance is pretty much par for the course when it comes to her and Derek.

She's proved right when his reply - sent four hours later, when Addison has finally gotten dressed and sobered up and half convinced herself the whole thing had been an awful, awful dream - comes in the form of a naked picture of Meredith spread-eagled across a bed, her pale, sweat-slicked skin taut and firm in places where Addison's isn't, and she wants to strangle Derek because he is such a fucking _asshole_ sometimes. Meredith is laughing, her thighs sticky with Derek's come, and while Addison is positive that she has no idea of the real purpose of the photograph - Derek cannot possibly be _that_ much of an idiot - Addison's inner band geek wilts at the sight of her smirk and it amazes her, really, how Derek can still find ways to humiliate her even now, when they're not even in the same state anymore.

Addison doesn't bother replying. Fuming, she texts Sam, and spends the rest of the night engaging in the dirtiest sex she can ever remember having (because that is surely what Meredith and Derek are doing, and Addison is aware of how pathetic that is but she's feeling hurt enough to not care.)

After, Sam can't catch his breath. "Where... the hell... did that come from?"

It's a perfectly valid question, but it doesn't stop her from asking, "What do you mean?"

"Well," he gasps, then pauses, wary. "That wasn't really like you, is all," is what he settles on.

"Exactly," she says, and kisses him again.

/

Part two to (possibly) follow.


	2. Chapter 2

Title | a kiss with a fist  
Characters | Derek, Addison, Meredith  
Rating | T  
Summary | in which Derek and Addison engage in cyber porn warfare.

So this took a darker and yet somehow slightly crackier turn. My apologies?

/

Derek's on the phone to Meredith when the email from Addison comes through, holed up in his office reviewing possible improvements to the Shepherd method, a fact that gives the whole thing a grand sense of irony that downplays the impropriety of what he and Addison are doing.

_Having trouble pleasing your woman?_ the ad reads, font a lurid yellow that makes Derek's eyes hurt even as he rolls them. _Buy our step-by-step guide and be the bearer of earth-shattering orgasms in no time._

Derek's about to hit delete when Meredith's repeated calling of his name finally registers. "Sorry, Mere," he says, closing his laptop, "this trial stuff has me distracted. What did you say?"

"I'm just wondering when you'll be home," Meredith sighs. "Lexie and Alex are both on call and the cable's out."

Derek laughs. "I do so enjoy being your last resort."

"It's a privilege many are known to envy."

There's a smirk in her voice that Derek recognises all too well and it starts a burning inside his gut. He glances at his closed laptop and grins something wolfish, standing from his desk and gathering his things. "I'm on my way," he says to Meredith a low voice, and her answering giggle fast tracks his movements.

"I'll be waiting," she says, and hangs up.

Derek half expects Meredith to be naked by the time he gets there and she doesn't disappoint. He's barely over the threshold of their bedroom before she's tugging at the hem of his sweater until he falls onto their bed between her open legs, still fully clothed.

"Take off your pants," she commands between kisses, then rids him of the garment herself before Derek can tear his hands away from her breasts to follow the order, and seconds later he's inside her.

Derek doesn't bother asking, mostly because he knows Meredith won't care (and probably wouldn't have the presence of mind to answer him anyway). He waits until she tightens around him and the mewling noises she makes in her throat reach a pitch that he knows will soon become screaming, then fumbles in the pockets of his slacks for his phone, snaps a picture of Meredith sprawled beneath him, back arched in a perfect curve, her face twisted with euphoria. The image is a little blurry due to the shaking of Derek's hands - photography is apparently a hobby best pursued when neither the photographer nor the subject is mid-orgasm - but it's good enough to prove his point and he's sure Addison will get the message.

Derek locks his phone and throws it to the side, collapsing half-on, half-off Meredith's still trembling body. "More pictures?" she asks, laughing breathlessly, one eyebrow raised.

Derek smirks. "It would have been rude not to."

Meredith rolls her eyes and kisses him, hooking a leg over his hip and drawing him in close. "Whatever. Just make sure they stay private. We are not going to end up like the Kardashians."

Derek manages to laugh through the guilt building at the back of his throat. It's not enough to stop him from sending Addison the image once Meredith's asleep, curled up against his chest, and he's not sure he likes what that says about him, but he refuses to be made a fool of by Addison for a second time.

He only hopes he doesn't end up making an even bigger fool of himself.

/

Addison knows she should have left it alone - she can't help but think of how Meredith probably doesn't suspect a thing and it makes Addison feel like a total bitch even though there is arguably some score evening to be done on that front - but she is kind of a sore loser, especially when it comes to Derek, and he's just so fucking _infuriating _and she wanted the last word, damnit.

The picture message of mid-orgasmic Meredith that she wakes up to the next morning tells her that she didn't get it.

Addison sighs and deletes the image, making sure to double-check it's been erased. Amelia is prone to borrowing Addison's phone whenever she loses her own and the last thing Addison wants to deal with is trying to explain the possession of naked pictures of her ex-husband's new wife.

The word makes Addison pause. Wife. Not slutty intern, not dirty mistress, _wife_.

Shit.

It's enough to shock Addison into deciding that whatever this is has definitely gone too far, and she vows to put an end to it, last word or no. She reopens her message feed and sends Derek one last text.

/

_Stop. You're being unfair to Meredith. Let's just forget this ever happened._

It's a perfectly reasonable request. Derek knows he should fulfil it.

But.

This is the woman who slept with his best friend while they were married. The woman who threw away their life together and nearly robbed him of the life he tried to build with Meredith in its place. Derek thinks back to that Thanksgiving during their brief reconciliation, when he had worked with Meredith all day at the hospital and then returned to the trailer to find Addison crying over cold Chinese food.

_Are you done hurting me back?_

Derek clenches his jaw, deletes the message and pages Meredith to his office.

"Hey," she greets him, her smile glowing in a way that just screams post-surgery high, and it melts away enough of Derek's anger that he manages to smile at her in return.

"Hey," he replies, adding, "lock the door," when she makes a move towards his desk.

"Seriously?" she says, but there's a smirk curling the ends of her mouth and she's turning the lock before he can reply in the affirmative.

Meredith makes her way towards him slowly, a sway in her hips. "All this clinical trial stuff is driving me crazy," Derek says, head tilted to the side, McDreamy smile in full force, "I'm in desperate need of distracting."

"Desperate need, huh?" Meredith laughs, eyeing his erection with raised eyebrows. She pulls his chair out from behind his desk and drops into his lap. "What do you want me to do about it?"

Derek groans and bucks his hips into the warmth between her thighs. He knows he can ask. He would, normally, if it wasn't for the nature of the situation, because Meredith is pretty genial about things like that and she is nothing if not sexually generous, but it feels wrong in light of what he plans to do if she acquiesces.

Fortunately for Derek, Meredith jumps to her own conclusions. That is, she smirks at him, lifts herself from his lap and drops to her knees, pulling at the drawstring of his scrubs as she does so. Derek's wondering how to broach the subject when Meredith beats him to it.

"Yet another photo op, I take it?" Her smile is easy and obliging, and Derek's guilt buries itself under his growing arousal.

"Actually," he begins, cautious, as she pulls his boxers down over his hips, "I was thinking more along the lines of a short film."

Meredith pauses, shocked, and Derek thinks he may have gone too far until she laughs, wraps one hand around the length of him and uses the other to fish his phone from the pocket of his lab coat and pass it to him.

"For your eyes only, you hear?" she warns him, smiling deviously as she licks him from base to tip.

It is not a warning Derek heeds.

/

The video comes with a caption:

_She looks happy enough to me._

Addison can't really decipher the video's content from the thumbnail alone but she has a fairly good idea of what she'll be greeted with when she presses play.

If. If she presses play.

There are a thousand reasons why she shouldn't, the least of which is some kind of shaky loyalty to Meredith, but Addison is curious. She still doesn't get it, not really. What made Derek trade their eleven years together for a two month affair. Derek loves Meredith - she knows _that_ - but so were Derek and Addison, once upon a time, and what it all comes down to in the end is this:

What does Meredith have that Addison doesn't?

The only answer the video provides is the lack of a gag reflex. Which really shouldn't surprise Addison considering Meredith's reputation - although Addison will admit that it's quite the glass house she's throwing stones in - but she still watches the video at least three times, mesmerised, until Derek's groaning and growling starts to grate on Addison's nerves. She tries desperately hard not to make any comparisons, but it's a futile effort that results in an indignation so strong she marches over to Sam's house and basically attacks him in his kitchen, forcing her phone into his hands while she drops to her knees.

After, her throat is burning and her voice is ruined - and she knows it'll be weeks before Amelia stops laughing at her - but she proved her point and Sam's the happiest he's been in a while. The same is true for Addison when days pass without a peep from Derek, and the smug satisfaction of it all has her smiling constantly.

Until:

_This is you not hating me?_

It's an unknown number but Addison has no doubts about the sender's identity. Guilt curls between her ribs.

"Shit," she says, and wonders if this is how it feels to lose your panties on prom night to someone else's date.

/

The worst thing, Derek decides, is that Meredith hadn't even been snooping.

She'd wanted an update from Mark on a patient they'd had that day, but out of loyalty to Derek, she had never exchanged phone numbers with him.

So she'd borrowed Derek's phone instead.

"Get out," Meredith says, voice low and dangerous, but it's not enough to mask the pain in every syllable and Derek feels like he might be sick.

"Meredith - "

"Get out!" She's throwing things at him - his clothes, his hair products, his toothbrush, and they all hit him hard enough to bruise but it's not until she yanks open her bedside table and launches a velvet ring box at his chest that the pain registers.

"Mere, please, I'm sorry - "

"Don't," she says, eyes red, deadlocked with his own, "don't you dare apologise to me. How could you - "

That's when the crying starts in earnest, but when Derek tries to hold her, Meredith screams and slaps him away. "Get. Out."

"Meredith, please. I'll do anything."

She laughs then, a broken sound that twists from her throat and sharpens itself against Derek's skin. "You think there's something you can do? That there's a way for you to fix this?" More laughter, and Derek feels hopelessness slip side through his gut, cold and unforgiving. "You humiliated me. I trusted you, and you used that to manipulate me. To degrade me."

"Mere, no - "

"Yes!" she sobs, and the sounds hurts Derek's ears. "You took something that should have been special and you made it dirty. And for what? Why would you even... why?"

Meredith looks at him, beseeching, and it's the opening Derek's been looking for but the raw pain on her face leaves him at a loss for words.

He's broken Meredith's heart - _again_ - and he can't even explain why.

"Get out," she repeats, when he still doesn't say anything, wrapping her arms around herself and backing into the wall, as far away from him as she can get. "Leave, Derek. And don't come back."

For once in his life, Derek does what Meredith asks of him.

/

The trailer smells of Meredith, and Derek cries for hours.

She won't take his calls and after a while he gives up, buries his head under lavender-scented sheets and lets the self-loathing settle deep into his bones. Only once his tears have stopped does Derek pick up his phone again.

_I'm sorry._

It's another hour before he gets a response. Addison's reply is a simple _Me too_, and Derek smiles tiredly before deleting the messages and her number altogether.

Derek knows he does not deserve Meredith's forgiveness, but he also knows he loves her more than anything else in his life, and so he compromises; sends her a picture of their post-it, signs it with _I'll love you always_, and waits.

/

Finit.


End file.
